


to forget all of this and live

by marshmalon



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Coping, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, grieving/mourning, implied depression, just a snapshot of the spk team doing their thing honestly, tagged character death is for a canon one and semi non-canon one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22603864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmalon/pseuds/marshmalon
Summary: Near knows he'll never find A-Kira. He finds Tanaka Minoru instead.*MAJOR SPOILERS FOR DEATH NOTE: NEVER COMPLETE*
Relationships: Near | Nate River & Anthony Rester, Near | Nate River & Halle Lidner | Halle Bullock
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103





	to forget all of this and live

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from minoru's "to forget all of this and live a happy life" at the end. haha we all know how that turned out

It's a very intriguing thing, loss. Near turns the word over in his head, and finds it very much fits what he's feeling.

_I lost to A-Kira_ , Near thinks, and it feels almost unreal. There's something twisting inside of him, a piece slotting into place, but now Lidner and Rester are staring, and Near realizes he's been quiet for too long.

_I lost_ , he tells his team, but with more pointless words thrown in the mix, and that is the end of that.

Or it should be. As with all things, Near tells his team to keep him updated. What the American government does with the Death Note is of no real concern to him, but a Death Note is a Death Note, and old habits die hard.

His crew understand. They always do. 

Lidner and Rester nod their assent, while Gevanni's seat stays ever-empty in the corner. Near dismisses them. Life goes on.

x

It's been a month since the Death Note has been sold and the silence is starting to get suspicious. The White House has, of course, promised not to use the book, but Near's never factored in the possibility of them actually keeping their word.

Him and his team still have meetings about it, every now and again. Truthfully, Near is starting to suspect that _meeting regarding the Death Note_ has become synonymous with idle workplace chit-chat, but he lets it slide. Gevanni's chair seems to like the attention anyway.

x

"Congrats," his team toast, and Near watches them clink glasses. Near has a glass too, filled with hot chocolate rather than wine.

 _This was supposed to be a meeting about the Death Note_ , Near thinks.

Even Gevanni's chair looks particularly lively tonight, now that they've just closed another case. Initially, he'd scheduled all Death Note-related meetings to be held when no case was on-going, but now Near realizes that this might be his team's way of wriggling out a celebration party from their full-time work hours.

"Still wish I could've seen the bastard get caught," Rester muses, cradling his glass. "The one time I'm away just _happens_ to be when he gets arrested - "

"Near and I weren't exactly in the thick of the action," Lidner notes wryly, "Considering we watched it happen from a _police camera_ \- "

"And you two saw it the moment it happened! I just heard about it after - "

"And whose fault was that?" Lidner says, "You left just as we got enough evidence to arrest him."

"I didn't know they'd find him that fast. He could've been in any of his hide-outs," Rester says, as sheepishly as someone like him can be. "How was I supposed to know the police'd get lucky on the first try - "

Lidner leans smugly back in her chair, taking a sip of wine. "Where _were_ you anyway?"

"A date," Rester says flatly, "He said he had something planned for the night, and the case was technically over, so I - "

Near clears his throat. "This is related to your investigation on the Death Note, of course."

Rester only looks shocked for a moment. "Of course," he says, and Near knows this isn't a lie. The only reason Near even asked is because he wants to get them back on the topic of their meeting. Rester is clearly attached, but seeing as Near was the one who asked him to gain information from government officials in any way possible, it's not a surprise.

Near watches the liquid in his glass swirl. "And have you found out anything?"

"No."

Near hums. "Lidner?"

"Nothing either," she says.

There's a silence, a missing beat. Near almost says his name, but he eyes the chair and remembers there's nothing else to say.

Near stands up. His glass is still full. "The meeting's dismissed."

x

Near is buried knee-deep in crime scene photos when Lidner and Rester come find him.

"Near," Lidner says, voice sharp with alarm, "It's about the Death Note.

Near doesn't reply, just stares up at her. Lidner is glancing at the case files littering the floor with barely hidden exasperation, but Near's sure that's only because Halle doesn't want to hide it. She's good at telling Near off without words, and Near is just as good at being dense about it.

"Has anyone died?" asks Near, but his eyes go back to the photos in front of him.

"That's the thing," Rester mutters, "The president doesn't have it."

Near hums. The Death Note has stopped surprising him a long time ago. "Who told you?"

"My date," Rester begins, with none of the characteristic hesitance that usually comes with the admission, "Got tipsy last night. Told me a little more than he should've."

Near is still only half-listening. "Did he tell you why they don't have it?"

"That's what _he_ wants to know - even told me where I could go looking for documents."

Near looks deep inside him. Tries to find a spark of interest, a thrill for the unknown. He's not sure if he succeeds, but a Death Note is a Death Note, and old habits die hard. "Then I trust you'll update me as soon as you know?"

They say they will, and in a month they do. It's through a combination of Lidner's skillful infiltration and Rester's iron-clad determination for the truth that Near learns about the new rule, the one added after the auction. He's halfway through a chocolate bar when he hears it.

_The buyer dies when they get the book_ , _the seller dies when they get the money...?_

_It's a cheat_ , Near thinks, and he knows all about cheating. Humans are fickle, and shinigami must be even more so. Faintly, he tries imagining how A-Kira must have felt, to have come so close to the prize just to have it yanked away from him from by a god that doesn't like to play by the rules.

Then he stops kidding himself. He's never given much thought to such trivialities before, and even if he did, he already knows how it feels to lose. He knows how it feels to lose a lot of things.

Near takes a bite of chocolate, lets the new rule sink in. Lidner and Rester stay blessedly silent while he thinks.

These are the facts: it's been exactly five months since the Death Note has been sold, and Near knows this because he'll never forget the day he lost. The president not having the book is presumably the reason he's still alive, but Near isn't sure whether the seller, A-Kira, has refused to take the money as well.

It seems likely that the shinigami would have informed A-Kira of a change in the rules, but it seems just as likely that the creature would simply go back to its realm as the Death Note would technically have no human owner.

Near mulls it over, wonders whether he would rather find a memoryless A-Kira to a dead one. He takes a second to think about the chance that A-Kira knows of the new rule and the chance that A-Kira has taken the money and died for it.

In the end, it isn't chance. It's deduction and just a touch of hacking, and soon Near's narrowed down a list of people who've died of a heart attack while withdrawing money at a Yotsuba bank or ATM. There are ten, but only three of the ten are under sixty years old, and only one has no prior history of heart problems.

_Tanaka Minoru_ , Near reads.

Near's not sure whether to feel sympathetic or satisfied. All he can really feel is a pounding headache, so he does what he always does with headaches and breathes - one, two, all the way to forty. It's a technique he's learned from Gevanni.

The clock chimes five in the morning, and it's a good time to end the work session. His headache is still there, but Near shuts his eyes tight and tries not to lose too much sleep. 

He loses a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> i can NOT have been the only one to notice that gevanni wasnt with near and the gang
> 
> (Next Chapter: Near visits the grave + a special visitor)


End file.
